One Month To Live: Day 8

One of the nastiest high-side crashes I ever had was with my finances. Nikki and I came together without a real plan for our money. So it went where it wanted. We would spend everything we made and use credit cards to spend more. With just 2 people, we somehow made it 2 ½ years like that. To be honest: it was kind of fun. We bought whatever we wanted. We were both used to having expendable income since we had not lived on our own prior to getting married. So the same lifestyle we had while dating continued into married life.

All that came crashing down once we had Sheridan. Now we had the cost of formula, diapers, baby clothes, and supplies not to mention $75/week for childcare. But again, we had no plan for how we were going to cover the extra expenses. So the money continued to go wherever it wanted.

It was February 2005. I can still remember the moment I logged in to our bank account online and saw the balance. There was $45 in the account with still over a week before payday. Formula for the week itself cost $50. Not to mention the babysitter had to be paid and groceries had to be purchased. My heart sank. The weight of responsibility came down hard and I crashed. It was ugly. It was in that moment that I felt like a complete failure as a husband, father, and leader of our home.

I was scared because I felt helpless and hopeless. How was I going to tell Nikki this? When you feel like you’re in a pit, all you can see around you is darkness. But there’s light when you look up. In that moment of brokenness, all I could do was pray. After I prayed, it’s like God brought something to mind. I had a friend that had told me about reading a book by Dave Ramsey about money management. So that week I went to the library and borrowed the book “Total Money Makeover” and immediately began to read it. It was a life-changing moment! I learned that I can tell my money where to go. I could actually win with our finances. The start is difficult because you have to get all your bills and debt together and it was only then that I realized how deep we really were. But the first step was to get a plan, a monthly budget, to start managing God’s resources. (Because that’s really what our income is: God’s income that we are called to manage wisely.) So that’s what we did.

At church the following Sunday, I can remember getting on my knees and praying this prayer: “God, it wasn’t your fault that I got into this but I have to have Your help to get out.” A weight was lifted. Now, 4 years later, we’re still doing the monthly budget, paid down all of our credit card debt, working hard to finish off student loans, and we’re able to give more than ever to our local church. It hasn’t always been easy. There have been some sacrifices but we have a plan now. And just like how it always is with God’s principles, a plan gives you so much freedom! Now we’re just working toward our goal of being completely debt free. I give all glory to God because He brought me through it.

In what area do you still feel the sting of a bad crash? God can help you get back up and back on track. But we have to lay it down at His feet. Whatever it is: broken relationships, finances, something you did in your past, He wants to help you back up again and back on your way to the finish line. Just pray and give it to Him.

One Month To Live: Day 6

Have I said lately how much I love my job?

Towards the end of 2008, Pastor Carl started talking about offering me a full-time position at CrossPoint.  I was out-of-my-mind excited about it.  Any time it was brought up, a big smile would come over my face.  I couldn’t wait until the time would actually come.  I would have been fine with remaining a volunteer, but to get to do this for a living was the dream of a lifetime.

Then the day came when Pastor Carl asked me to a meeting and the official job offer was made.  The moment I had waited for had finally come.  He offered me a full-time position to be on staff at my favorite church.  My reaction: stomach in knots!

Fear crept in.  Something I had wanted for so long had finally come and yet I was scared, really fearful.  I knew this is what I had really wanted and felt like God was calling me to, but now that it was real, I was frozen.  It was definitely a “monkey bar” moment.  But I took the step and don’t regret it for a moment.  Now the times I have to go out on stage are still tough.  My stomach gets in knots and my palms get sweaty. But each time it gets a little easier.  With the first step on stage, I’m letting go and God is catching me.

That’s just a couple moments for me.  There are other times in my life where I just hang on for dear life, not trusting enough to let go.  What’s God calling you to do?  What is the thing you would do if you knew God would bless it?  That’s your call to greatness.  Trust God to catch you. He won’t let you fall.

One Month To Live: Day 5

Day 5 Oxygen Mask

At the end of the chapter is this question:

How would you rate your health in each of the four areas (spiritual, physical, emotional, relational)? What’s the greatest challenge to improving your health in these areas?

Spirtual Health – I would say it is improving. I still have a way to go, but really working to make sure I spend some time with God each day does wonders. There are times in my life when I can look back and say that God felt distant. But in reality I’ve learned that God didn’t move; I did. He never left me, but I strayed. And during that time, my spiritual health was all but flat lined. But when I started seeking Him daily, I find that things began to pick up. I still have trials and some tougher days, but I know that God is with me through it.

Physical Health – Again, I have more improvements to make but I’m thankful for an “I’ve had enough” moment in 2004 when I topped out at 200 pounds. Nikki had just given birth to Sheridan and I was tired of being tired. I wanted to have the energy to play with my daughter and be around for my family. So I set a new year’s resolution for 2005 to lose some weight and get in shape. Four years later, praise the Lord I’m 40 pounds lighter and in better shape. This year I’m really focusing on building strength and endurance. I love what I get to do for a living. As a staff, we’ve made our health a high priority. We want to be able to do this for as long as we can.

Emotional Health – This is an area that made me stop and think. As a guy I don’t think about my emotional health very much. So it’s not something I feel like I can assess at this time. I like to think I’m easy going and try to not let things get me too ruffled. But this is something that God will have to direct as I get a better grasp of where I am here.

Relational Health – This is an area in which I need to improve. And I know this. I’m a doer, a task-oriented person, and I don’t think I’m naturally a “people person”. And this is an area God is still working on me. While I’m not naturally outgoing, I do believe God can do a work to change some things to become who He wants me to be. Growth Groups are a big step for me to grow closer others.  God wants us all to live in authentic community.  And He wants us to disciple others believers.  God doesn’t desire that we become an island Christian.  It’s just more natural for some people.  So I continue to pray for His direction and leadership in this area.

One Month To Live: Day 4

Day 4 – Power Surge

Two points jump out at me from today’s reading:

Kerry referenced Matthew 11:28-29:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

The part underlined above jumped out at me one morning during my quiet time. We’ve always heard verse 28. Jesus offers us rest when we’re burdened, tired, beaten down, and broken. I believe that. Jesus is the answer. But what is our next step? How can he helps us live in the full abundant life he promised in John 10:10? The answer is in the next verse: “learn from me…” Jesus is our ultimate model. Jesus modeled the one month to live lifestyle. He knew how long he would have on earth, he knew when his day would come to face the cross yet I never see him hurried or in a rush. It doesn’t really make sense to me. The one who came to seek and save the lost was always in complete control of his time, he never let it control him.

Another thought was on constant communication. I used to hear men pray prayers that sounded like they were right out of the King James Version. Words I didn’t understand and very “flowery”. So I grew up thinking you had to pray as thou speaking to a 17^th century king. Needless to say, my prayer life struggled. (Disclaimer: not knocking those people. Just no one taught me to approach him on my level.) But then someone really explained Galatians 4:6-7:

And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.” Now you are no longer a slave but God’s own child. And since you are his child, God has made you his heir.

“Abba” is like saying “Daddy”. When Sheridan approaches me, I don’t want her to say, “O most excellent Father, if thou wouldst grant me one request…” I would stop her right there and say “Climb up in my lap and just talk to me, on your level.” That’s what God wants us to do. If we have accepted God’s free gift of His son, then we are now His children. And He is not some stately king that is unapproachable, but instead He is now our Dad. Talk to Him like you would your earthly father, or if you’re a parent: talk to Him how you would want your child to approach you.

He wants to hear about our day, our hopes and dreams, our hurts, and what makes us happy. Everything good is from God (James 1:17) so rejoice and glorify The One who blesses. And when He’s doing some pruning (John 15:1-5), He’s right there with you through it, so talk to Him about that too.

One Month To Live: Day 3

Day 3 Time Squared

Time: once it’s spent, it’s gone. That’s a sobering thought in today’s reading. It doesn’t seem like I’ve been married for over 7 years. Sheridan cannot be 5. I’m 30 years old. Those are years that are gone and completed. I can’t change them but I can do things today that will impact the years still to come.

I love the 80/20 principle. As I’ve written before, time management is something God is really driving home in my current season of life. Being intentional about everything I do: time with my wife, time with my daughter, and even what I spend time on in ministry. At CrossPoint, we talk about keeping things simple. We work hard to keep things simple because it’s human nature to start creeping into complexity. And that’s no different with our life.  For so long we’ve mistaken activity for results. Somehow it feels weird to have a day off.  If we have a day empty on our calendar, we want to fill it with something.  But how are we filling our days?

When it comes right down to it, we only have 24 hours each day. Someone is going to get cheated in your schedule. Who will it be: Work? Spouse? Kids? Housework? Media? Your health? God? There’s only so much time to have each day. As Pastor Carl has preached, you have to get the big rocks in first.  If we found out we only had one month to live, I don’t think I’m going out on a limb to say the big rocks would be our only focus.

Some things I’m learning to do: have a weekly date with my wife. I’m a typical guy in that I compartmentalize things. So it’s very easy for me to stay task-oriented and focus on each day’s to-do list and not slow down to connect with my wife. So a weekly date night allows us time to just connect.

Something else is a weekly date with Sheridan. She’s growing up so fast that I want to spend as much time with her as I can and pour into her life. One day, she’ll be leaving the house and on her own, whether I like it or not. So now is the time to teach and train her for that day. (Truth be told: she usually teaches me a lot more when we’re together and I just let her talk.)

Add to those an annual family vacation and a getaway for just Nikki and I. We make those high priorities in our family budget and sacrifice in other areas to make them happen. And while we don’t have something tangible to show for them, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I don’t have anything tangible to show for those hours each week, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

One Month To Live: Day 2

Day 2 Roller Coaster

There are a couple places I have traveled that have been tremendous “God moments” for me. The first was on a cruise in 2008. My wife and I had an oceanview cabin. For those of you who may not know exactly what that is: it’s a room that has a window so you can see the ocean. On this particular ship, the view came with a window seat where you could actually sit and watch the waves. While watching the land disappear and nothing but blue waters surround me, I realized how small I was in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. At that moment, even though I was on a 80,000 ton ship with 2,000 other people, God was in control of that entire body of water on which we were sailing. He held it in the palm of His hand. The ocean is so vast, but how much bigger is God who holds that in place?  It made me feel pretty insignificant, but made me consider the sheer majesty of God.

I love to travel to the mountains. As I’ve gotten older, I love fall and changing colors of the leaves. We usually take a trip on the parkway or to Tennessee to just marvel at what God does to nature during that time of the year. As you approach the mountains, they seem huge. But once you get on top it changes your perception. The other mountains don’t seem near as big once you’re looking down at them. It was in that moment that God reminded me He created those mountains. His hand carved them. As big as those mountains may seem, how much bigger He is to have created them. And if His hand can carve those wonderful landscapes, He can also handle whatever situation comes our way.

I think about those two instances when I read Day 2 of OMTL. Saul and David had two different perceptions regarding the same problem. Saul looked at how enormous Goliath is while David looked at how big his God is. One saw only certain defeat while the other saw certain victory.

This is a tough chapter for me, right off the bat. Chapter 1 was very inspiring, then Chapter 2 hits pretty close to home. I think there’s a reason God speaks to me through those situations above. Fear can get the best of me at times. Some regrets I have in life came out of being controlled by fear. As I consider how I would live if I knew the next 30 days would be my last, I think fear would no longer control me. Doing what needs to be done and saying what needs to be said would be the only concern.

So as we consider the clarifying question: “If you knew you had one month to live, how would you live your life?” My prayer is that we focus on the God who controls the heavens and the earth in the palm of His hand. The old Sunday School song is so simple but so very true: He does have the whole world in His hand and there’s not a thing that takes Him by surprise or beyond His control. He never promised things would be easy, but He did promise that He would never leave us to face life alone.

One Month To Live: Day 1

Day 1 Living the Dash

2009 has been a very memorable year: new job in full-time ministry, turned 30, purchased a home, and Sheridan started Kindergarten. A lot has happened! With all these things happening, turning 30 has had an impact. Not in an “I’m getting old” kind of way, but instead it has me finding a parallel with Jesus’ life. Jesus began his full-time ministry at the age of 30. I quickly learned a positive of working in ministry is flexibility. But that can become a negative to the most important group I’m called to lead: my family. This new chapter in my life has made me take a hard look at my priorities.

You might say, Jesus had an advantage, in a kind of twisted way. He knew when his time would come. He knew the future and how much time he had left. The time between the final preparation in the desert and his resurrection was just 3 years. You and I, on the other hand, have no clue when our time will be up. I hope that I have many years to serve in this capacity. I absolutely love what I get to do at and count it an honor and privilege to be on staff on CrossPoint. But I’m not guaranteed another day. So, starting a new chapter in my life around the same age as Jesus, I thought it would be good to look at the ultimate model to see how he began his ministry. What I found has revolutionized how I prioritize.

He preached and taught. He healed many people. He traveled from town to town and each place was never the same when he left. He spent time with a lot of people. We know that side of Jesus. But what really spoke to me was who Jesus didn’t spend a lot of time with. Remember: Jesus knew how little time he would have to do ministry, yet he regularly pulled away for rest, and he spent intentional time with his growth group (the disciples) as well as the 3 in his inner-circle, his successors. Also, he was never in a hurry. Others would try to rush him, but he stayed on mission and definitely did not “dash to live”. He knew his priorities and so God began to teach me what living is all about and that it requires being intentional in how we prioritize.

If we found out we only had 30 days to live, our personal relationship with God and relationships with those closest to us would be our main, maybe even the only, priorities. I’m looking forward to the next 30 days because, just like most others, it’s easy for life to catch up with me. Things come in that clutter up our day and I start “dashing to live” instead of living the dash. So I’m excited about what God will teach us through these next 30 days together.